Matutinal Mumbai Musings (First Movement)

Well, that's better! I'm back online after a 90 minute nap and a cup of coffee. The only civilized way to spend a Sunday morning.

The round trip from my home to the airport and back is 50 kilometers. This morning it took me about 50 minutes, driving quite sedately: at no point did I cross 80 kmph. Of course, this was at 5:30 a.m. on a Sunday. On a weekday, once the sun is up, I would have taken at least 40 minutes longer for just one leg of the trip.

So, that's 50 kilometers in 50 minutes versus 25 kilometers in 90 minutes. An average of 60 kmph versus 16.67 kmph. A staggering 260% improvement in speed! (It's amazing what a cup of coffee can do. No, not the speed gain, but the facility with statistics.)

So, based on these observations and statistical analysis I can identify what ails Mumbai. Or, to put it another way, how to make Mumbai a civilized city.

Firstly, about 6 million fewer people. Face it, 12 million (official count) is a ludicrous number for a city. There are countries with fewer inhabitants than my municipal ward. Greece and New Zealand to name just two. But that ain't about to happen.

Secondly, about a million fewer cars. That's a no-brainer. And that's not happening either.

Thirdly, and most crucially, about 30,000 fewer cabs. Now, that's a workable number.

I kid you not, the number of traffic problems in Mumbai caused by obstreperous cabbies and their even more asinine country cousins, the autorickshaws, are out of all proportion to their headcount.

Even at 6:00 a.m. on a Sunday morning, a scattering of cabs had contrived to double park and triple park at various points along my route. And the route I took is one of the least crowded parts of the city at 6:00 a.m. on a Sunday morning. There was no reason for them to park down the middle of the road at Worli, or 20 feet from the curb at the expressway exit, but there they were, blocking traffic.

And then there are those cabbies with delusions about their horsepower, living on remembered glory when they were the fastest things on four wheels in the city. Ah, but that was in the days before liberalization and compressed natural gas. The former has brought a bevy of modern cars that can leave a cabbie in their wake before they've even got to third gear. The latter has reduced the air pollution, which is good, but has also throttled down the pulling power of the cabbies' engines, which is probably better, if only they'd realise it.

But most of them don't. So you find them in the fast lane going up the flyover at a breakneck 30 kmph blocking traffic behind them for miles at a time. Or jockeying for position at a traffic light, and then stalling just as the lights turn green.

That train of thought opens up more entries for this blog, which is in danger of becoming a Mumbai blog rant. Blame it on Sunday morning, 5:30 a.m.